I traveled to Midtown this morning to see Tom Ridge speak at the Russian Tea Room. When I arrived I was greeted by two women in matching pantsuits who were standing behind a podium in the lobby. They politely instructed me to go to the fourth floor. The lobby of the Russian Tea Room is a strange mix between a 50s dining car (cool) and a cheap motel—a Motel8 or a BestWestern (slightly less cool). It has a long mahogany bar, faded red carpet, and a subtle trace of cigarettes still clinging to the furniture from many years ago. I rode the elevator up four flights with a camera crew from FoxNews5. When we got off we walked by a small table stacked with several dozen copies of Mr. Ridge's newly published hardcover book. It was twenty-eight dollars. Having only a mere five dollars in my pocket (which I had brought to buy lunch) and not being a huge fan of books written by conservatives, I continued on to the block of arranged chairs. The room was narrow and deep—extending with many rows far back. I took a seat in the seventh row. The room’s walls were covered in maroon and gold wallpaper and lined with candelabras that snaked out from golden fixtures. The candle sticks themselves were real, but upon closer inspection I realized the flames weren't. They were plastic and lit from inside with an orange glow, and every five seconds one of the flames would slightly dip as if bowing and then sway back and forth to give the illusion of flickering.
The room was nearly empty when I arrived (ten minutes prior to the scheduled starting time) and I continued reading "Trial By Fire", a very good article in the newest New Yorker that I'd started on my commute. When I looked up after ten minutes the room was full and two people had sat down next to me. The one who sat next to me, a young woman, started asking questions to the woman sitting on the other side of her. First she asked for her name (having her spell it out as well) and then continued with, "Why are you here?" and "If you could ask Tom Ridge one question what would it be?" I couldn't make out the other woman's answers, but I could deduce by the timid tone of her voice that she didn't really have a good answer to either question. I could also see from the corner of my eye that the woman who was asking the questions was scribbling on a note pad. I resumed reading my article.
It was only when I heard the anxious shutter clicks of several cameras that I looked up and saw Mr. Ridge entering the room. The big double doors behind him closed shut and the former Secretary of Homeland Security stood next to a red-upholstered stool and fumbled with a lavalier mic that he was attempting to attach to his tie. After a few awkward jokes induced by the fact that he couldn't get the mic to clip on, the lavalier was abandoned for a hand-held microphone. Then the two men, Ridge and the moderator, sat down on their stools.
My first impression was that Tom Ridge was a good-looking man. A bit of a round face, bushy eyebrows, and an overall soft demeanor. Nonpolitically speaking, he seemed like a sweet guy.
The first question the moderator asked the former secretary (and former representative and former governor) was concerning the claim in his new book that he was pressured by Rumsfeld and Ashcroft to raise the terror alert in the days preceding Bush's reelection in 2004. Ridge responding by stating: "That's what other people say. If you read my book, you'll see that's not quite how I phrase it." Then he went into a ramble about how the three of them would all meet and discuss whether or not they felt it was necessary given the current circumstances at the time (circumstances which he never illuminated) to "add additional levels of security" to the country, and that it was never a decision they reached quickly or easily.
The moderator then asked how many times during his tenure as Secretary of Homeland Security had the government prevented terrorist attacks against America. This question at first made me laugh a little under my breath, but then I got a tad anxious thinking maybe he would give us an example. I should have known better though, as Mr. Ridge simply said, "President Bush has said 'several', so I'll stick with that. Several times." And then he smiled. More camera shutters fluttered.
Mr. Ridge went on to say he feels George W. Bush is a great man and political leader, that he knows the President's only motive in invading Iraq was to protect America, and that he believes the country needs national ID cards. He was also asked if he would be running for President in 2012 and he essentially said no, but signed off with a quick "never say never" and then he smiled again.
Then the floor was opened for Q&A. A woman asked Ridge whether or not he supported a military presence on Governor's Island, calling Manhattan a "sitting duck" in the New York Harbor. Ridge evaded this question by talking about how people always asked him, "There's a school trip to New York/There's a school trip to Washington D.C., Will my kids be safe?" And how he always answered yes. The woman who asked the question started clapping enthusiastically when he was done speaking. No one joined her. An older gentleman asked Ridge how he would grade the Obama Administration at this time and to point out where he thought the Administration was vulnerable. The man was smiling the entire time he asked his question. (There was a lot of smiling going on.) Ridge simply answered by saying "too much too fast" and also felt it necessary to mention that Obama's popularity had dropped over the past few weeks. Ridge paused and then quickly added that he thought Obama had a gift for rhetoric too.
Then it was over—it was announced that Tom Ridge would be autographing his book and that there would also be complimentary cocktails.
As I was walking out I heard a man behind me say, "If he isn't running for President then today isn't Wednesday." And another man laughed.
I was disappointed with the overall Q&A, but the whole thing had been slightly amusing. And it was a free way to spend an hour of my day. As a New School alumni, I got a free year membership to the Hudson Union Society, a benefit of paying almost $60,000 in tuition. I am going to see a showing of the Peter Sarsgaard film An Education next month as well.
In closing...a transcript from one of my favorite David Cross stand-up bits about the Terror Alert System:
What is the alert right now, are we still in apricot? Or are we...What? Beige? Beige-ish? Seriously what is it? Orange? Yellow? They're saying yellow. I got orange. I got yellow. Wow. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. You want to know why nobody knows? Because nobody gives a shit. That's why. It's useless information. It's fucking meaningless. That is why. It's useless information. What are you...Oh honey the terrorist alert has been lifted to orange. Oh no. What should I do? Well get the bread out of the oven and let's eat dinner. Well should I get scared? Yes that's what it's about...it's about getting scared. Alright well I'm scared. Now what do I do? Just obey. Obey. That's all you're supposed to do.
And look, you know what? I gotta say I'm really sick of these left-wing, kind-of conspiracy theory people who are like, hey isn't weird how every time there's bad news for the Bush Administration the terror alert goes up? There's over eleven examples of it. And listen, let me tell you something. It's called coincidence. Alright? Look it up in the dictionary. It's a coincidence that the terror alert happen to go up after that French report saying that Bush knew about 9/11. And it happened to go up two days after they said there was absolutely no link between Osama and Saddam Hussein. And it happened to go up within 36 hours after the mad cow disease and the government might be implicit in it. And it happened to go up literally the day after the report that Halliburton overcharged by 65 million dollars. And it happened to go up when Bush's ratings plummeted. It's called a coincidence. You fucking hippie freak! These guys out there on their computers compiling cold, hard irrefutable facts. Fuck those assholes.
In fact, the next time the terror alert goes up and you haven't been reading the papers, go back two days and see what's buried on page A24 'cause that's where the shit is. You know...bad shit? Raise the alert. I'm sure there's a guy in the White House and they've given him his own room and that's his job -- just hang out, eat sandwiches, and play PlayStation 2. Then when some bad news comes down he just, yep uh flip that thing. Derek - flip it to orange. Wait, hang on a second. What's that? Oh Shit. Really? The President just killed and ate a Jewish baby. Better flip it...uh, juice that thing to red. This is not going to look good. The Democrats are going to have a field day with that one.
--David Cross, It's Not Funny
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